Becoming part of a stepfamily or a blended family can be exciting, but it can also be a big adjustment for children. They may feel a sense of loss or tested loyalty when new family members enter their lives. But if you prepare ahead of time, you can help make the transition easier for them. This in turn can make it easier for you. Remember, the new family bond may not come right away. Sometimes it takes time to grow the relationship.  

Here are some tips to help your child or children adjust. 

Bonding and attention  

  • Children may have a difficult time sharing you with a new partner. Spend some special alone time with your child. Stay open and allow your child to share their feelings about the changes.  
  • If there are new stepsiblings, try to give the children a chance to meet and get to know each other before moving in together. If they will be sharing a room, let the children decide together how to decorate it. 
  • Create new family traditions, such as a new holiday or birthday custom or a family game night.  

Communication 

  • Children may have a hard time living in two households with different rules and relationships. Make it clear that everyone must show each other respect. This could mean listening, asking how others feel, and taking others’ feelings into consideration.  
  • Allow for open talks about children joining the household. Expect there may be some initial conflict or rivalry. Help the children learn coping skills for how to handle this.  
  • Keep a large family calendar in a prominent area so everyone can write down their activities and what they are responsible for to avoid last-minute crises.   
  • If you make promises, keep them.  

Discipline  

  • You and your partner can agree that the parent who has custody of the children be the primary parent responsible for discipline until you and your child and the other children develop a solid bond.  
  • If you are the “new” parent, begin your relationship with the other children that is more friendly than someone who gives discipline. 

Having healthy expectations and planning for the transition of your children to a new family is only a start. For some new families, it can take years to form a close-knit family, so keep going and be patient during tough times. You might also think about reaching out to a licensed therapist or counselor for additional help. Over time, you can form and strengthen a healthy new family. 

 

Sources:   

American Psychological Association (APA). Making Stepfamilies Work. Accessed June 20, 2024.  

Helpguide.org. Blended Family and Step-Parenting Tips. February 25, 2024. 

Verywell Family. Before You Become a Blended Family. Accessed June 20, 2024.