Live and Work Well

Humans need connections. And a romantic connection in a committed relationship can be rewarding. Beyond the blush of love, people who are in healthy relationships also gain some great health benefits. Research shows that they live longer, have fewer health problems and suffer less from mental health issues like depression and anxiety.

So, what is a healthy relationship? In a nutshell, it’s a relationship with some or all of the following qualities:

An emotional connection
Regular and honest communication
Constructive disagreements
Shared and separate interests

How many of these qualities are already a part of your relationship? Are there any that you would like to work on? If so, don't overwhelm yourself (or your partner). Just start with one quality and try a tip or two.

Emotional connection

Having an emotional bond with another person means you both feel seen and valued. You can feel it when you and your partner truly understand and trust each other. There are a ton of benefits to healthy emotional connections, like:

Increased self-esteem (for both of you)
Awareness of your partner’s feelings
Stronger long-term relationships

Tips to try:

Spend quality time together. Take a long walk, go out for a date, or just sit and talk without the distractions of TV or your phones.

Show appreciation. Recognize both the big and the little things. And say, “thank you.” Your partner will feel more seen and appreciated. And it can deepen your own connection.

Be brave and express vulnerability. Build trust by courageously letting your partner see all of you — strengths, weaknesses, fears and dreams. When you open up, they’re likely to do the same.

Good communication

Good communication goes beyond having a conversation. It involves how often, honest and open those conversations are. Talking is important. But so is using key communication skills such as active listening and reflecting. This can turn a ho-hum conversation about a trip to the grocery store into an intimate sharing and support moment.

Tips to try:

Don’t interrupt or redirect. You’re not really listening if you’re jumping over what your partner is saying or thinking about what you’ll say next. Practice focusing on what they’re saying. Try repeating or summarizing what they’ve said, out loud or in your head, to help you focus.

Watch for nonverbals. Pay attention to signals like eye contact, tone and body language. They can help you understand the emotions behind the words. Ask your partner about signals you may be seeing. And be aware of what signals you may be sending.

Don’t make them guess. Be clear about what you want in your relationship. Too often we hint at our needs. Be direct. Say it a few different ways if you’re having trouble finding the words. Remember, your partner wants to support you but can’t read your mind.

Constructive disagreements

A constructive disagreement is when you and your partner argue without hurting each other. And it works toward a resolution. Your connection and communication skills will go a long way to helping you disagree in a healthy way.

Tips to try:

Stay cool and check your motives. If you need to, take a breath or focus on a pleasant memory with your partner. Then think about if where you’re heading is productive. If your goal is to win the argument, you’ve lost the bigger purpose.

Focus on the here and now. Don’t dig up dead arguments. Sometimes when heated, we recall old conflicts and assign blame. Bring the conversation back to the present disagreement. If you’ve lost track of it, ask. And talk about what you want out of the conversation.

Know when to take feedback, forgive and let something go. Listen for clues from your partner on how you might make a change or improve your communication. And be willing to forgive your partner’s faults, as well as your own. If the conflict is minor and not going anywhere productive, choose to disagree and move on.

Interests and social circles

Hobbies, activities and friend groups bring a spark of joy to life. People in healthy relationships should enjoy these things with and without their partners.

Tips to try:

Find the new together. It can be great for bonding. Make a list of activities, events or causes that interest you both. You may find they’re not the same as they used to be. Search for more ideas on the internet. Choose your top option together or roll the dice and pick one at random.

Dust off old activities. What did you like doing together when you first started dating? Did you go dancing? Sing karaoke? Listen to old records? You may be able to recreate some memories or just enjoy the romantic nostalgia.

Explore your own interests and show interest in theirs. Doing everything together can be a little smothering. It’s OK to pursue some interests on your own. Go join a bird-watching group. And give your partner your blessing to do that improv class. Talk and ask questions about those interests along the way.

Conclusion

Building and maintaining a healthy relationship is worth the effort. We’ve talked mostly about romantic relationships, but these qualities and tips are useful in a close friendship, too.

If you already feel strong in some areas, congratulations! Keep at it. If you see something that you could work on, go for it. But keep your new focus areas manageable. And know that sometimes new skills can take some time to perfect. Keep practicing. You and your partner will benefit.

Sources:

https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/features/amp-amp0000129.pdf Opens in a new window

American Psychological Association (APA). Happy couples: how to keep your relationship healthy. Opens in a new window Accessed Mar. 12, 2024.

American Psychological Association (APA). When and how to engage constructively in family arguments during the holidays. Opens in a new window Nov. 21, 2023

HelpGuide. Effective communication. Opens in a new window Feb. 5, 2024.

HelpGuide. Tips for building a healthy relationship. Opens in a new window Feb. 28, 2024.

Pietromonaco P, Collins N. Interpersonal mechanisms linking close relationships to health. Opens in a new window American Psychologist. 2017, Vol 72. Accessed Mar. 12, 2024.