The intensity of our lives today can be complicated and challenging for any adult, let alone a younger person. Many parents feel inadequate talking through intimidating topics like sex, substances (drugs, alcohol, vaping), peer pressure, social media, bullying, and other hot topics.

The following tips can help you navigate conversations with your teen about the tough issues they might face:

Communication Strategies
- Treat your child as a unique individual. Every child is responds differently to tough issues. Consider where your teen feels most comfortable talking and expressing concerns and questions. For some teens, a chat in their bedroom works. Others might feel free to open up while riding in the car or going for a walk. Just remember that what works for one of your children might not work for another.
- Share facts. Provide your child with helpful, accurate information. Don’t use euphemisms. Be direct and clear. Do your research, and don’t make things up in an attempt to scare or overwhelm them. Share how to find quality information on the internet and avoid false “facts.”
- Look for conversation starters. Be on the lookout for ways to bring up a tough topic. Sometimes a TV show or a news story can be a great way to gauge how they’re feeling about an issue. Watch their body language as you share your feelings in the conversation.
- Have multiple talks. Multiple conversations are best for difficult topics. Your teen might have more in-depth questions as they get older and experience things differently. It’s wise to not make tough issues a one-time conversation.
Parental Reactions
- Spare the lectures. The goal is to have a conversation with mutual discussion. Lectures often scare teens or cause them to shut down emotionally. When they feel heard, they’re more likely to listen.
- Cut out distractions. Make sure you’re in the right state of mind to discuss a difficult topic. To truly hear your child’s thoughts, eliminate as many distractions as possible. This means silencing your cell phone, turning off the TV, and giving your child your undivided attention.
- Don’t assume. You don’t know what your teen does or doesn’t know about a topic. They may have misconceptions about issues, but they also may know more than you think. If they do ask you a question, don’t assume it means they’re engaging in the behavior. They’re coming to you in safety and trust, and making assumptions is a surefire way to jeopardize the relationship.
- Stay calm. When your teen sees you panicking and anxious about a situation, they’ll be less likely to open up. Remain composed by listening and asking open-ended (not “yes” or “no”) questions. Make sure your tone or body language doesn’t come off as accusatory.
- Model healthy reactions. Children are always watching us. They’re looking to see how we react to difficult situations. Our actions give them far more information than our words.
- Listen. The number one complaint from teens is that parents don’t listen. Not only hear what your child says, but repeat back the general idea to confirm you understand.
Parental Responsibilities
- Share feelings and values. Your teen knows you have opinions, emotions, and values. It’s important to explain why you feel the way you do. If they know what’s important to you, they’ll be more likely to consider their own priorities when facing a tough situation.
- See the big picture. When discussing good choices, it’s important to talk about what motivates that decision. Educate your teen about how making good choices allows them to lead good lives and meet their goals.
- Do not criticize. Occasionally, you may overhear your teen talking about another friend’s questionable decisions. Be cautious not to criticize and jump to conclusions. Walk through the potential consequences of that behavior, and listen to what your teen thinks about the situation.
- Pay attention to the media. Raising kids in a media-saturated world provides unique challenges. For example, more than 75% of prime-time programs show the excitement of sexual activity, while only 14 % demonstrate the risks and responsibilities. It’s important to be aware of what your teen’s watching. Better yet, make some popcorn and share some screen time together. Showing interest in their likes is a great way to build bridges for communication.
- Follow up. Teens do more of their talking via text or messaging than anything else. After discussing a tough topic, consider texting your teen a positive follow-up like “Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. Love you.” It’s a great way to communicate your appreciation, attention, and love.

Talking about today’s issues with your teens can be tough. Praise them when they’re honest with you, and help them understand that telling the truth and having a humble attitude will minimize a possible punishment. Remain calm and nonjudgmental to show that you’re a safe place and an ally, and they’ll be more likely to approach you with hard topics in the future.

Sources:

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Adolescent health. Accessed January 28, 2023.

Raisingchildren.net.au. Difficult conversations with preteens and teenagers. Published August 9, 2021. Accessed January 28, 2023.

NSPCC.org.uk. Talking about difficult topics. Accessed January 28, 2023. https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/talking-about-difficult-topics/

Talking to Young People About Tough Issues

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