Grief and Loss: Loss of a Parent

Whether your parent’s death is sudden or drawn out, it’s natural to be affected by the grieving process. You may also feel as though no one will ever love you the way your mom or dad did. If your other parent is alive, it might become your responsibility to care for them, especially in their grief. You might feel guilty for what you didn’t say or do, frustrated with the new tasks you’ve assumed, or uncertain dealing with legal and financial matters.

When both parents are gone, it’s natural to feel like an adult orphan. Your identity may change as well as your role. You might find yourself a member of the oldest living generation in your family. You may also feel an overwhelming desire to carry on your parents’ values and traditions or decide to start new ones.

Processing Grief

Everyone will experience grief and loss at some point, but no two people will process it the same way. After the loss of a parent, you might not be sure how to respond or even understand why you’re grieving if your parent lived a long life. Others who have already lost a parent may step in and support you with comforting words and kind acts. Your siblings may also be struggling with your parent’s death, but they might grieve in an entirely different manner.

There’s no right way to grieve, only what is right for you. There’s also no universal timeline. However, it’s important to take care of yourself.

Here a few things to consider:

• Be alone and together. Sometimes you’ll want to be alone with your thoughts. Other times, you’ll want to share your feelings.
• Release guilt. You may feel relief when your parent passes. This is especially common when the parent has been suffering from chronic pain or illness and if you’ve been the primary caregiver. These feelings are normal. You shouldn’t feel guilty about having them.
• Prepare for holidays. Expect the holidays, including birthdays and anniversaries, to be hard, especially the first year. Plan ahead for how you would like to honor your parent or their traditions. And be nice to yourself.
• Respect others’ grief. Because everyone grieves differently, relationships may be stressed and strained. Understand that your siblings and other family members may need more or less time than you to process their pain. Be patient and lean on one another for support. Ask for help when you need it.
• Foster old and new relationships. No one can take the place of your mom or dad. However, there’s nothing wrong with finding someone to offer support, comfort, and wisdom. This could be a relative or another friend.
• Preserve memories. What stories about your parents would you love your children to know? Think about the memories you want to pass on to future generations. Writing these down can help you process your own grief and preserve timeless memories.
• Seek help. Even if you’re not experiencing symptoms of anxiety or depression, that doesn’t mean you can’t benefit from talking to a therapist or support group about your loss. Sharing your feelings is an excellent way to care for yourself.

Keep in Mind

Many times, loss is unexpected. And even when we’re anticipating it, we might not be prepared for how we’ll react. When we’re grieving, we’re more likely to stop or minimize healthy habits. Much of the healing process, however, is related to good self-care. Taking the time to get proper rest, eat well, and exercise regularly is essential to your healing after you experience a loss. These healthy choices will help you transition to a place of hope after a loss and serve to honor your parents’ wishes for your health and happiness.

Sources:

CancerCare. Helping yourself as you cope with the loss of a parent Opens in a new window. Updated May 14, 2024. Accessed February 14, 2023.

Helpguide.org. Coping with grief and loss. Opens in a new window Updated March 13, 2025. Accessed March 18, 2025.

Healthline.com. The Grief of Losing a Parent Is Complex — Here’s How to Start Navigating It. Opens in a new window Published February 15, 2023. Accessed March 18, 2025.

Last updated: April 30, 2025

By: © PAS Wellbeing Media, LLC. Reprinted with permission. All rights reserved.