Grief and Loss: Helping Others Cope with Grief

Death is a universal experience, and grief is a natural reaction to loss. But it can still leave us shocked, confused, and emotional. When someone we know is processing through grief, it may feel like there’s nothing you can do, but that’s not true. There are many ways to be there for someone struggling with loss.

Grief 101

As you accompany a person through their grief journey, know that it’s not a direct path. Each week, each day, and even each hour can contain a multitude of emotions and reactions. Your friend might cycle between moments where it’s easier to accept the loss and moments of anger, sadness, relief, guilt, denial, and other emotions. This is very normal. Try to meet them where they are in that moment using nonjudgmental statements and actions. Often, it’s simply your presence that provides support. And if you have experience with your own grief, draw on that. What was helpful? What was not? What did you want someone to do for you or say to you?

There is no timeline or step-by-step method to “getting through” grief. In fact, depending on the loss, someone might experience some symptoms of grief for years. Don’t put a time-limit on your friend’s feelings. Some other things to consider when helping someone include:

• Spirituality. A person’s beliefs might influence their opinion on what happens after death, what the living should do in response, and other topics. Be respectful, understanding, and help find resources if necessary.
• Culture. Things like ethnicity, nationality, and other traditions can influence how grief is experienced.
• Style. Some people tend to be more open and expressive in their grief and how they communicate their feelings. Others may be more reserved or focused on facts, logic, or practical steps to take. Neither style is right or wrong but unique to every individual.
• Emotional Patterns. You know your friend, and can possibly see where they might need help, even before they need to ask for it.
• Age. Helping a child process grief will be different than helping a teenager or an adult. Children may need to have death explained to them, especially the difference between sleeping and death. Children and teens may also lack coping skills and might regress to earlier behaviors or show an increase in fussiness or irritability. Continue daily routines, encourage them to ask questions, and then be prepared to answer.

Helpful Tips

• Determine what’s needed. Listen to what the person is saying and sharing, then use that to figure out what they might need. They may not know what they need if you ask.
• Be there. While your words might briefly help, being consistently present is far more effective.
• Do practical tasks. Grief often steals someone’s energy. Assist with day-to-day needs, such as laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, meals, housecleaning, lawncare, or home upkeep.
• Give support. Encourage the grieving person to make wise choices and help them process through decisions and issues that arise.
• Participate. Offer to participate in rituals or traditions or help them to establish new ones.
• Listen. Whether the grieving person wants to share stories, feelings, or just feel connected, really focus on actively listening, and encourage them to talk as much as they need to.
• Share. Share your own memories of the person who’s died. Avoiding talk about the deceased will not help the grieving person. But don’t share your personal experiences of death unless you’re asked. It’s not about you.

Knowing What to Say

Sometimes it's hard to know what to say and what not to say. Here are some ideas:

Don’t Say:

• “I know how you feel.”
• “At least he lived a long life.”
• “She is in a better place.”
• “He did this to himself.”
• “You have time to have another child.”
• “There is a reason for everything.”
• “God called her to Him because she was so pure and good.”
• “It was his time.”
• “Be strong.”
• “You need to move on.”

Do Say:

• “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
• “My favorite memory of (their loved one) is . . .”
• “We all need help, especially at times like this. This is what I would like to do for you.”
• “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.”

Keep in Mind

Supporting someone through grief is not about finding the perfect words or fixing their pain—it’s about being present, patient, and compassionate. Grief is deeply personal, and there is no right or wrong way to experience it. By listening without judgment, offering practical help, and respecting their unique process, you can provide meaningful support that truly makes a difference. Sometimes, simply showing up is the greatest gift you can give.

Sources:

Grief.com. The 10 best and 10 worst things to say to someone in grief. Opens in a new window Accessed February 2, 2023.

Helpguide.org. Helping someone who’s grieving. Opens in a new window Updated February 5, 2024. Accessed February 2, 2023.

Omh.gov. Ten tips for helping others grieve. Opens in a new window Accessed March 14, 2025.

Last updated: April 30, 2025

By: © PAS Wellbeing Media, LLC. Reprinted with permission. All rights reserved.