Everyone has their own unique personality. Undoubtedly, we all encounter people with personalities that are challenging, negative, and even aggressive. Being able to recognize and successfully interact with these people enables us to turn a potentially difficult situation into a positive one. When we better understand those with difficult personalities, it keeps us from taking things personally. Additionally, we can help create a safe and productive environment for others.

Some of the more dominant difficult personality traits include:

Hostile people are often abusive and intimidating, finding pleasure in the fear they create. They enjoy reacting, so they’ll wait for others to challenge them.
- How to handle hostile people:
  - Find ways for them to let off steam and calm down without becoming abusive, such as going for a run or to the gym.
  - Address them by name, and calmly state what you want to discuss. Do not engage them in an argument.
  - Set boundaries. Try not to do this in front of an audience. It may trigger a larger reaction.

Narcissistic people are interested in being the center of attention as often as possible. They want to look like the expert who can do everything better than you.
- How to handle narcissistic people:
  - Refuse to argue or act like you know more than they do.
  - Explain that you would like to use your knowledge too. They might be more open to this suggestion and cooperate more.

Passive aggressive people are sly and cunning when they undercut authority. They will insult people in a sarcastic way and claim they are just joking. Passive aggressive people will never directly address issues with you.
- How to handle passive aggressive people:
  - Try to focus on the issue and not the person. This helps them not to personalize what is being directed at them.
  - Confronting this personality trait in public will only make them react. In private, be clear that you will not tolerate their sarcasm and undercutting.

Negative people distrust anyone in power or authority. They are the only ones who know the right way and can find a downside to anything. They express doubt in response to most any solution proposed.
- How to handle negative people:
  - Focus on the facts of a situation. Trying to emphasize solutions will not help as they’re typically more invested in the persistence of the problem than in finding the solution.
  - Refuse to argue with them. Instead, ask what would be different if the problem was solved.

Antisocial people resist attempts to be engaged socially, making it impossible to know what they are thinking or doing. They typically distrust others and assume everyone is against them.
- How to handle antisocial people:
  - Use open-ended questions. This forces them to offer more than a one-word answer.
  - Be okay with silence. You may have to wait it out until they feel comfortable to share their thoughts, opinions, or feelings.

Consequences of Dealing with Difficult People

While avoiding a discussion with a difficult person is worse, there are still possible unpleasant effects to a confrontation. Here are some examples:

Guilt. Family members and loved ones can struggle with responsibility for the person’s behavior. They may feel caught between offering support and enabling the person’s negative behaviors.
Internalization. Sometimes we can take the difficult person’s behavior personally, struggling with what’s been said or done to us.
Grief. Family members might experience symptoms of depression and anxiety themselves, potentially impacting their marriage or other relationships. They might also grieve the relationship they feel they lost or never had with the difficult person.

Coping with Difficult People

Knowing how to handle and react to difficult personality traits is beneficial. Here are some common strategies to deal with all difficult personality styles:

Address. Don’t ignore people or problems or pretend they don’t exist. It won’t make the situation go away and might make things worse. It’s better to address the person and the issue.
Express. Remember, you probably don’t have the whole picture. You may not know all that’s happened in a person’s life, their mental health, or crises they may have faced. Empathize and express compassion.
Assess. Consider your own emotions. If you’re having a particularly stressful day and can’t seem to remain calm, it’s not the right time to address issues with a difficult person.

Dealing with difficult personality traits in the people we love or work with requires effort. It can be frustrating and discouraging at times, but if you’re able to persist and communicate with compassion, you might find a solution to the challenge. And remember, staying calm and neutral is the best way to approach and deal with them.

Sources:

College of American Pathologists. Dealing with difficult personalities of colleagues. January 24, 2023.

Harvard Law School. Dealing with difficult people. Published 2017. Accessed January 24, 2023.

Dealing with Difficult Personality Traits

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