Tough conversations with your manager

In any workplace, misunderstandings and conflicts can happen. To deal with those issues, you may need to talk about them with your manager. Sometimes that conversation can be difficult. But handling it in a healthy way may improve your relationship with your boss and help them support you better in the future.

Talking with your manager

Not every problem needs to be addressed by your manager. But at some point in your career, you’re bound to have a concern they can help you with. Talking with your manager can help you understand each other as you resolve the issue together. Here are a few tips for that conversation:

Set up a meeting and talk in private. With a dedicated meeting time you can focus solely on the problem in a private space without other distractions.

Organize your thoughts. There are a few things you can do to help you stay organized and focused for the meeting:

• Write an outline of what you want to talk about. Get to the point and be sure to focus on the conflict at hand and not on another person who may be involved.
• If you’re talking about an ongoing problem, document key moments and how they turned out. This can help you organize your thoughts, get your facts straight, work through conflict and deal with later issues.
• Practice the discussion with a trusted friend beforehand to get feedback.

Be ready to listen. Keep in mind that your view of the conflict isn’t the only one. Be ready to listen to your manager’s perspective. Focus on what they say, not what you want to say next. Before responding, make sure you understand what they’ve expressed. Summarize in your own words what you hear your manager saying and ask questions to understand better.

Come prepared to problem-solve. Think about what you’d like the results of the meeting to be. Stay open to thoughts and suggestions your manager may have. Coming into the meeting ready with possible solutions can help you and your manager solve the issue together.

Take steps to stay calm. Staying calm can help you listen better, be respectful and choose your words more carefully. Losing your cool may cause you to say things you don’t mean. If you start to feel agitated, focus on your breathing. If the meeting is getting too tense, respectfully suggest taking a 10-minute break and then returning to where you left off.

Don’t get personal. Remember to focus on the problem, not the person. Be careful not to talk to your manager in any way they might see as an attack.

Preventing future problems

You can’t stop all workplace problems. But building a healthier working relationship with your manager may help you head off some and deal with others quicker. Try these out:

Talk regularly. Communicating more often with your manager may help you improve your working relationship and prevent conflicts. You can try one or more of these approaches:

• Set up regular one-on-one meetings
• Submit status reports on how things are going
• Ask your manager for constructive feedback about how you come across to others, and then try to improve those areas

Clarify work responsibilities and expectations. To do your best, you need to know what’s expected of you. That’s true whether you’re new to a job or a long-time employee. Even changes to an existing job can happen fast. Here are some things you can do to clarify expectations:

• Summarize what you see as your responsibilities. And double check that understanding with your manager.
• Ask if there are any new expectations now or any on the way. And stay positive about making new changes work.
• Think about if you need more training to do the job correctly, especially if your job description changes.

Be assertive. Understand your needs and express them confidently to your manager and co-workers. But be careful not to confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness. While it’s important to express yourself and share your ideas, be sure to respect and listen to your manager’s opinions.

Conclusion

Having an unresolved problem in the workplace can create a very stressful work setting. That’s why addressing issues is important. Working collaboratively with your manager can help resolve conflicts, leading to a win-win situation for all involved.

Sources:

American Psychological Association. Managing your boss Opens in a new window. Accessed Feb. 21, 2024.

HelpGuide. Mental health in the workplace Opens in a new window. Jan. 31, 2024.

HelpGuide. Effective communication Opens in a new window. Jan. 11, 2024.

Rogelberg S, Gay J. How to raise a difficult issue in a one-on-one with your boss Opens in a new window. Harvard Business Review. Jan. 9, 2024.

Last updated: February 23, 2024

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