Talking to your teen about mental health

It’s not easy for most people to have conversations about mental health. For parents, it can be even harder. It may feel awkward, and we might be afraid kids will shut down if we start talking.

But it’s so important to try. Even if you don’t start with tough mental health questions, just keeping an open line of communication can make all the difference.

The following tips can help you navigate conversations with a young person about the tough issues they could be facing. Keep the 3 L’s in mind: Look, Listen and Learn throughout the process.

• Be present
  • You can’t know/see what you don’t notice. Look and listen for changes, different patterns of behavior or mood shifts in your child or teen.
  • Trust your gut. If your child isn’t acting like their “usual self” that might be a sign that they are struggling with something.
  • Every child is unique and responds differently to tough issues. Consider where your child feels most comfortable talking and expressing concerns and questions. Just remember that what works for one child may not work for all.

• Talk early, talk often
  • Don’t wait for a crisis to start the conversation.
  • Look for and use conversation starters whenever you can. This tool can help. Opens in a new window
  • Be on the lookout for ways to bring up a tough topic. A television show or news story can be a great way to gauge how they’re feeling about an issue. Watch their body language. Openly share your feelings in the conversation, too.
  • Create opportunities to have small talks throughout your day or week so the line of communication stays open. This can help take the pressure off having big conversations that may make the young person shut down or avoid connecting altogether.

• Listen
  • Listen with compassion, empathy, without judgment.
  • Be present while listening. Avoid distractions or multitasking and give your full attention. This means silencing your cell phone, turning off the television or computer and showing the young person they are important.
  • Model healthy reactions. Children are always looking to see how we react to difficult situations (a death, crisis or bad decision, etc.). Our actions will give them far more information than our conversations will.
  • Stay calm. When your child sees you panicking, they’re less likely to open up. Remain composed by listening to learn more. Consider trying mindfulness techniques to help you stay more centered.

• Acknowledge how the young person feels or thinks.
  • Too often we are quick to give advice or tell them they “shouldn’t” feel that way. This can make the young person feel like we are minimizing their experience.
  • Instead, stay curious and ask questions to learn more about what they think and feel.
  • Be cautious not to criticize and jump to conclusions.
  • The most important thing is that they feel like you really heard them and were supportive.

• Stay connected
  • Try a text: Typically, today’s teens do more of their talking via text than face-to-face or by phone. Consider sending your child a positive text to follow-up after discussing a tough topic. There’s no need to feel intimidated or try to be someone you’re not. Simply text as you would talk to communicate your appreciation, attention and love. It’s okay to do it even if you’re both at home!

• Stay informed
  • Pay attention to media and social media. It’s important to be aware of what your teen’s watching. Better yet, make some popcorn and share some screen time together. Showing interest in their likes is a great way to build bridges for communication.
  • Share facts. Be sure to give your child helpful, accurate information. Do your research and don’t make things up in an attempt to scare or overwhelm them.
  • Try not to make assumptions. You don’t know what your child does or doesn’t know about a topic. If they ask you a question, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re engaging in the behavior. They are coming to you in safety and trust, so remaining open to a two-way conversation helps them know they can talk to you about things.

• Recognize their courage
  • It’s important to give positive feedback when a young person builds the courage to talk about tough things with an adult.
  • Giving gratitude and praise to them when they engage in a conversation with you can increase the likelihood that they will approach you with tough topics in the future.

• Talk about what’s next
  • Find ways to build off the language they use and the topics they identify as important. This can help them lead the conversation and create more opportunities for you to learn more about their insights.
  • Ask them what they think about when it comes to problem solving or next steps.
  • Ask them how they think you may be able to best support them in what they need.

Finally, it’s important to know you are not alone in feeling like it can be hard to talk to a young person about tough things. Be sure to find ways to connect with your own support network and engage in activities that promote your own well-being. This can help you be in a good place when talking to a young person.

Sources:
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Adolescent health. hhs.gov/ash/oah/resources-and publications/info/parents/get-started/. Accessed October 14, 2021.
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Adolescent health resources. hhs.gov/ash/oah/resources-and-publications/info/parents/conversation-tools/. Accessed October 14, 2021.

Last updated: February 03, 2022

By: © liveandworkwell.com. All rights reserved.