Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. How you handle that conflict largely determines the effect it has on you. When things go wrong, what’s your go-to? And is it working for you and those around you?

From family to friends to coworkers, everyone experiences some degree of relational struggles. Avoiding conflicts usually makes things worse. But facing them can give us an opportunity to grow.

Conflict Management Ideas

How you react to conflict effects the outcome of that conflict. The following tips will show you how to turn a potentially negative experience into an opportunity for positive change:

Overall Attitude

Stay Calm. Remaining neutral helps find solutions. Getting upset escalates conflict.
- Avoid trigger words. Stay away from exaggerative words (always or never), emotionally charged words, and aggressive nonverbal language (crossing your arms, rolling your eyes, pointing a finger).
- Use diffusing language. Speak with “I” instead of “you” statements to focus on the actual conflict instead of how you’re reacting to it. “I felt nervous when you didn’t return my call because our project is due tomorrow.”
Know you might disagree. People often see the same event from different viewpoints. You don’t have to agree. It’s enough to acknowledge that the situation will continue to cause problems unless something is done.

Listening

Separate feelings from facts. Separate your feelings about the person from the facts of the problem. Focus on solving the situation, rather than labeling someone with negative traits.
Practice active listening. Hear what the other person is sharing. Listen to their thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Repeat back what you’ve heard to confirm that you’re understanding.

Speaking

Ask questions. Good questions like the ones below help determine the nature of the problem.
- What caused the conflict?
- What did you or the other person want to happen?
- What are you afraid might happen or are you afraid of losing?
- Are your emotions appropriate for the situation?
- How are you both invested in finding a solution?
Discuss values. Even if you don’t agree with the other person, you can still respect their motivation. Find common ground that make differences less intimidating.

Brainstorming Solutions

Think outside the box. Get creative and be open to new problem-solving strategies.
Be future-oriented. Avoid drudging up past grievances or staying locked on the current issue. Work toward a solution.
Be clear. Craft a clear solution that has measurable, specific steps toward the outcome. Make sure everyone understands their roles so you’re all on the same page.
No unnecessary people. Avoid bringing in additional people. Venting might feel good in the moment, but it will only add to the conflict.

Conflict can be difficult in any relationship. However, with the right tools, finding a solution and maintaining the relationship is possible. What ideas can you use now or tuck away for future conflicts?

Looking for more information? Check out these resources:

University of Michigan. Tips and tools for constructive conflict resolution. Accessed February 16, 2023.

Helpguide.org. Conflict resolution skills. Published December 5, 2022. Accessed February 16, 2023.

Managing Conflict

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