Relationships: Communication Skills

Good communication requires listening and sharing. It may sound simple, but maintaining healthy communication in relationships isn’t always easy – especially when discussing topics that are challenging or sensitive. And those are the times when being a good communicator is most important.

If you’re looking for ways to improve your communication skills, check out the following tips. We’ll cover ways to be a better listener, as well as how to get your own message across clearly. Brushing up on these skills can help you resolve conflicts, keep the lines of healthy communication open, and build and strengthen your relationships.

What is healthy communication?

Healthy communication means that information, ideas, thoughts or feelings are shared clearly and respectfully. It’s never a one-sided conversation – each person practices good listening and also gets their chance to talk. The goal is to understand the information shared and to know how the other person feels about it, and why.

Active listening: The key to good communication

Many would guess that the key to good communication is speaking your thoughts clearly and often. But experts emphasize that the most important part of healthy communication is active listening. That means showing focus and interest when someone is speaking, and asking questions for clarification. Active listening is the gift that keeps on giving. It can help you understand what the other person means and may encourage them to put effort into actively listening to you, too.

By making sure each person feels heard, active listening can improve trust and confidence while helping prevent misunderstandings and tension. Here are some tips for better active listening:

• Stop talking and get comfortable with silence. You might be tempted to interrupt but wait until the other person has finished sharing. If you pause for a few seconds before speaking, you may find that they have something more to say.
• Check your understanding frequently. You can do this by asking clarifying questions. This involves repeating back in your own words what has just been said, then asking questions to show that you heard them. For example, you can say, “It sounds like saving more money each month is important to you. Did I hear that right?” Get the other person’s agreement that you have understood them correctly. If you haven’t, then ask them to repeat what they’ve said.
• Use open-ended questions. Ask those main questions – who, what, where, why, when – if you need more information. This helps you grasp and remember the information, while at the same time encourages the other person to speak freely.
• Give non-verbal signs that you’re listening. A big part of communication is body language. Signs that you’re listening include maintaining eye-contact, having open posture (facing them and not crossing arms), looking interested and nodding.
• Catch yourself if you're losing focus. We're only human – sometimes we might drift off, thinking about what we're going to say next, feeling sleepy or planning dinner. If that happens, try to catch yourself and reengage. If you realize you missed something they said, just ask them to repeat it.

Getting your message across

When you’ve listened carefully, it’s your turn to be heard. Here are some ways to get your message across clearly:

• Take a few moments to think about what you’d like to say.
• Deal with one thing at a time.
• Keep your message as simple as possible. Check that the other person understands you at regular intervals.
• Keep eye contact and speak slowly and clearly.
• Don’t worry about getting it right the first time. Keep trying until you express your meaning and you feel that they understand you.
• If you’re feeling emotional, try not to raise your voice or speed up. Take a deep breath or ask for five minutes to cool down if you need to. It may feel right to share your feelings in the moment. For example, "I'm feeling really sad about this and it’s hard to make sense of it.” Other times it can be a good idea to process your feelings for a bit longer and talk about it later.
• If the other person interrupts before you’ve finished, hold your hand up or calmly say, "If I could just finish what I’m saying first, then I’ll be happy to listen to what you have to say."

You can find out more about your current communication strengths and weaknesses by asking friends and colleagues for feedback. You could also observe yourself in conversation. Think afterwards about things you felt good about and what you could have done differently. The best way to learn to be a better communicator is to practice, practice, practice.

Sources:

HelpGuide.org. Effective Communication Opens in a new window. January 11, 2024.

HelpGuide.org. Nonverbal Communication and Body Language Opens in a new window. January 11, 2024.

Forbes.com. How To Communicate In A Relationship, According To Experts Opens in a new window. January 12, 2024.

BetterHelp. Improving your communication skills to strengthen your relationship Opens in a new window. February 5, 2024.

Last updated: March 07, 2024

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