Everyone faces conflict in varying degrees at some point in life. Because conflict happens in any relationship, including those at work and at home, no one is immune to its complexities. How you choose to deal with conflict is unique, as everyone brings his or her own personality and experiences to these difficulties.

Conflict Defined

A conflict is a friendly or hostile difference of opinions, priorities, or perspectives. Because people react differently to conflict, the situation may be difficult to assess. Sometimes people disguise conflict in sarcasm or cynicism or pretend the problem doesn’t exist. How you perceive conflict largely determines the role it will play in your life. Those who view it as a threat usually experience anxiety and stress, and those who see it as an opportunity for growth can overcome and even benefit from it.

Conflict in the Workplace

One environment where conflict is common is the workplace. Since that’s inevitable, there are real benefits to improving your resolution skills. Some of the paybacks include improved relationships, a smoother working environment, fewer delays in production, increased communication, and improved health as tension symptoms decrease. The following strategies will help you in your workplace conflict resolution:

Create acceptable behaviors. If you’re an employer, provide a handbook of policies outlining acceptable ways to resolve conflict. Give clear examples to demonstrate and model good behavior for your team. If you’re an employee, establish what acceptable and unacceptable forms of behavior are. This will serve as a guide to know if you or someone else is crossing a line.
Tackle potential conflict. If you sense tension in the workplace, take a proactive stance. Does a relationship feel strained, or do you feel a disagreement brewing? Calmly confronting the other person with honesty could prevent a future blowup.
Choose your battles. Not every little thing is worth the conflict. There are times to take responsibility for your own emotions, perspectives, and opinions. But there are also legitimate reasons to resolve conflict between you and a coworker. Knowing when to let things slide and when to take action makes for a more successful work environment.
See growth in conflict. Being able to resolve conflict is a sign of maturity. If you can view conflict as an opportunity for growth instead of something to be avoided, you’ll be able to reach a resolution more easily and earn the respect of others.

Take Action Through Listening

In the middle of a conflict, you might find yourself tuning the other person out to better prepare your argument. If you find yourself waiting your turn to speak instead of legitimately listening, you will probably remain stuck in the middle of the problem. Here are some ways to resolve conflict with listening skills:

Listen actively. Active listening aims to understand the thoughts, feelings, and emotions behind what the other person is saying. What are the assumptions, cultural values, and beliefs behind their message? What does their body language say? Paying attention to these details will also help you understand what is motivating their behavior and help you be able to put yourself in their shoes.
Acknowledge the message. You don’t have to agree with the other person to respect and validate their opinion. Recognize their value as a fellow human being, and affirm the importance of their beliefs. Listening is a way to communicate their worth and your respect, both in your verbal and nonverbal language.
Know your message. Before you respond, consider your own emotions and thoughts about the situation. Gather these thoughts before the conversation occurs so that you can be prepared and be ready to listen to the response. Otherwise, you may be tempted to form your own rebuttal while the other person is speaking. Predetermine how you can best communicate your needs, interests, values, and principles.

Conflict in life is guaranteed and can often be unexpected. When you are able to calmly respond to someone else, your viewpoint is more likely to be understood. No one wants to feel like the other person is simply trying to win an argument. Using statements beginning with “I” instead of “you” is another helpful way to diffuse tension. For example, “I felt frustrated when you didn’t follow through with your commitment,” is very different from, “You never do what you promise.”

Some conflicts simply cannot be resolved without a mediator of some sort, so don’t feel discouraged if you have to bring in a third party. If you are facing a tough situation, reach out to a neutral person, like a licensed counselor or therapist or your human resources officer.

The long-term effects of unresolved conflict are often far more damaging than the short-term discomfort of resolving them. With the right mindset and a little practice, you will start seeing conflict as a growth opportunity that will help you achieve your goals and create healthy relationships.

Looking for more information? Check out these resources

University of Michigan. Tips and tools for constructive conflict resolution. Accessed January 22, 2023.

Helpguide.org. Conflict resolution skills. Published December 5, 2022. Accessed January 22, 2023.

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