Relationships affect our lives on a daily basis and require effort to stay healthy. While starting a romantic relationship can be hard, building one long term can be an even bigger challenge. Events inside and outside of the relationship make it necessary for both people to adapt and grow while also showing respect, care, and compromise.

Unhealthy Couple Relationships

One way to identify what’s healthy is by examining what’s not. The following symptoms indicate a relationship that’s not working and unhealthy:

Lack of appreciation. Assuming your partner will do things for you is one way of taking them for granted. This demonstrates ingratitude or a lack of insight into the balance of the relationship.
Lack of trust. Reading your partner’s emails or texts, listening to voicemails, and not letting your partner go out with friends communicates a level of distrust.
Blame game. When you constantly blame your partner for trouble in the relationship and don’t accept any responsibility it will be difficult to maintain the relationship.
Poor communication. Assuming your partner can read your mind is a sure sign of poor communication. So is avoiding difficult conversations because you’re afraid of your partner’s response.
Lack of balance. When we constantly do things for our partner that they can do for themselves, we’re over functioning. When we ask our partner to do tasks or assume responsibilities that should be ours, we’re under functioning.
Isolation from others. Healthy friendships and family relationships are necessary. When your partner is your only source of support, the relationship can quickly become strained, tense, and unhealthy.
Codependence. When you’re no longer able to think for yourself or function without your partner, you’ve crossed the line into codependence. In this type of relationship, a person can’t define themself in any way other than the relationship as they lack their own goals, opinions, and outside support.

Healthy Couple Relationships

Consider these strategies to maintain a healthy, romantic relationship that stands the test of time:

Embrace change. Your relationship will undoubtedly evolve with life events, unexpected transitions, and family changes. Consider change as an opportunity to make your relationship stronger rather than a cause for it to crumble.
Have check-ins. Talk with your partner about personal goals and expectations for the relationship. Checking-in with one another through daily dialogue establishes a good routine in place of crisis management. Making time together is key, and without good scheduling, responsibilities will crowd out time together.
Pat family experience. Families are unique and so are their ways of coping with stress and anxiety. While your family might tend to be emotionally distant, your partner’s family might like to engage in conflict and confrontation. Consider what coping style you and your partner inherited from your families. Then look for ways to work together to resolve conflict.
Pick the right time. Dealing with a problem in the heat of the moment may not be the best idea. Take a few minutes to cool off and gather your thoughts. This allows you to listen to your partner’s perspective. Remember, a conflict is typically not the time to bring up previous unresolved issues. Attempting to solve multiple items typically leads to greater stress and fewer results.
Be responsible. Everyone has needs and wants in a relationship, but it’s important to remember that some of your expectations may be unrealistic or unfair for your partner to meet. Consider what things you are able to do for yourself.
Listen and speak up. When you show respect for your partner’s opinions, they’re more likely to listen to you. Your partner won’t know what you desire in the relationship unless you verbalize it. Many times we become angry because we unfairly expect our partners to fulfill our needs, even though we’ve never shared them.
Accept differences. There are things about your partner that may never change, and the same is true for you. When you learn to accept this, it’s easier to work together to change what you can.
Respect rights. You and your partner both have the right to enjoy your own interests, friends, feelings, personal goals, and opinions. When you have outside things that inspire and bring joy, you’ll both enjoy the relationship more.

Even in this day and age, building a relationship that lasts is possible. Small acts of kindness such as physical or verbal gestures really do make a difference. With some thought and patience, you’ll find that simple strategies build a strong foundation for your relationship.

Sources:

The University of Texas at Austin Health and Counseling Center. Healthy relationships-The 7 C’s of healthy relationships. Accessed February 2, 2023.

Helpguide.org. Tips for building a healthy relationship. Accessed February 2, 2023.

Psych Central. 8 Tips for maintaining a healthy relationship. Accessed February 2, 2023.

Central Michigan University. Healthy relationships-What are they? Accessed February 2, 2023.

Maintaining Healthy Couple Relationships

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