As we grow older, we often take more opportunities to reassess our goals and past experiences — to think about what we want life to look like now. Some people realize that over the years they’ve lost touch with friends or have started to feel disconnected from loved ones. But close, supportive relationships are important, especially as we age. And reconnecting with someone from your past may be a good way to develop human connections for your future.

Whether it’s with a childhood friend, college roommate, neighbor or significant other, it’s never too late to kickstart or renew a relationship. Three steps can help make this happen: find your people, reach out to them and grow the relationship. Here are some tips to help.

Find your people

There are so many ways of finding old friends or a group of friends. The first, and maybe the easiest, way is breaking open the old address book. Pick someone you want to reconnect with. Then pick up the phone and call or text! Number disconnected? Friend no longer at that number? Then let’s try something else.

Social media offers many ways to find people. You can search for old friends using their name on sites like Facebook, Instagram and others. You might have to do a bit more detective work if there are many people with the same name. Try narrowing the search using search terms like:

Where they might live
Groups they might be a part of
Friends you have in common

Finding new friends can be fun, too. To meet new people, go to where people are. Here are some suggestions:

Take a community class
Join a local group for a new or old hobby, activity or sport
Participate in activities at your local community, senior or spiritual center
Volunteer for a cause you feel strongly about

PRO TIP
Have a military or college friend you are looking for? These organizations usually have sites that can help people reconnect. Contact your local military branch or the university for more information.

Make the connection

Now that you found someone you want to reconnect or connect with, it’s time to reach out to them. You can call, text, email, message or even send a card or letter. How you reach out is up to you. What is important is what you say in your message. Here are some tips of what to include in your message:

Provide a reason for reconnecting. This could be the event that made you think of them. Or you can say that you just miss them.
- “I saw a picture of us and realized that I really I miss you.”
- “We just had our first grandchild and it made me wonder how you and baby Cele are doing.”

Give a quick summary of what you have been up to. A very quick summary. Don’t ramble.
- “I just moved to Seattle. Go Seahawks!”
- “Stacy and I retired last year and bought an RV.”

Ask how they are. Just a little something to show that you valued them and remember details.
- “Are you still golfing?"
- “Did you ever make it to Italy?”

Be clear that you are looking to reconnect. Don’t assume they will catch on.
- “Would you like to meet for some coffee next week?”
- “I sure would like to see you sometime soon.”

PRO TIP
Sending a picture or a funny meme in a text or email message can be a fun icebreaker.

Grow the connection

Congratulations! Someone is interested in connecting. Whether it’s a romantic or platonic relationship new or renewed, remember that it might take time to build.

Keep your expectations realistic—you probably won’t want to run off on a four-week cruise tomorrow. Focus on enjoying each other’s company for now. Here are a few ideas for low stress ways to spend time together:

Take a walk at a park or plan a hike through the woods and have a picnic
Go to the theater, symphony or ballpark for a show or game
Find a DIY (do it yourself) project on Pinterest or YouTube and have a project night
Volunteer together at a local community service agency

PRO TIP
To continue to grow the friendship, you’ll want to connect regularly. It doesn’t have to be every week, but don’t let too much time go by between meet ups. On that note, respect your friend’s time and honor your commitments. Avoid rescheduling and show up on time.

Having close relationships is an important part of our lives and can help with maintaining our well-being. If you’re looking to renew a meaningful relationship, a little time and effort can reap many rewards.

Sources:

Eldercare Locator. Expand your circles: Prevent isolation and loneliness as you age. Accessed June 24, 2024.

Helpguide. Making good friends. Feb. 5, 2024.

Helpguide. Tips for building a healthy relationship. April 10, 2024.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). Making and keeping friends - A self-help guide. Accessed June 24, 2024.

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